ASTA - THE HAPPIEST PERSON I KNOW

Asta was a once-in-a-lifetime type of person. Her smile is contagious, and she’d talk to you as if nothing else mattered except you and her at that moment. Asta made me feel safe, seen, and heard. 

I met Asta at my first job, and we came in together. It being my first job made it stressful for me at times but Asta helped me through it. She was the whole reason why I didn’t quit. I looked forward to seeing her every shift, she was always calm during the storm in that place. She never folded under pressure, and she taught me how to do the same. Whenever there were moments of stress, she always kept a smile on her face, I’ve only seen her upset a few times. I was older than her but I always looked up to her. I wanted to be as cheerful, brave, kind-hearted, caring, and forgiving as her. 

Whenever we worked together she put me in a better mood, her energy was so contagious that anyone who saw her smile would immediately do the same. She made me so happy at a time when I was so dark. 

I always looked at her and thought her life must be so simple, so… easy, drama-free. And I couldn’t have been more wrong in my life. As we grew closer and conversations started to last longer, she let me in. Behind her radiant smiles and lukewarm hugs, was an alcoholic dad who was on the verge of dying, and an ex-boyfriend who had recently SA’d her. When Asta missed months of work, everyone noticed, our co-workers began to look at me and ask where she had gone. I would reply with “Oh she is just taking time off” but in reality, they didn’t know that I had been trying to reach her for months. When she finally came back it was out of the blue, she still had that huge smile on her face, I gave her a big hug, and she took me to the back and told me everything. That time, it was about her dad. 

A few months went by and she started to miss work here and there, I didn't want to go months without seeing her again and not know why so I asked her this time. She told me about her ex, an ex who happened to work with us at one point. She told me about how he SA’d her. 

When she told me this I never asked questions, I just sat there and listened. In the moment, that's all I felt I could do. 

Time went on, we began to work more and more, I was dealing with stuff at home and so was she. The last time I saw her, we went out for boba, she was about to drop me off at home and then asked me a question. This question made my heart sink into my stomach,  it was a question that wholeheartedly made me disappointed in myself. She said, “Why didn’t you ever ask me about what happened between me and Justin”.  

As much as I’d like to say it was none of my business, it was. It was my business because we were friends. But when she asked me that question, I just sat there and didn’t say a word. I think it was because it was just too close to home.

Even after all the things Asta has gone through, you could never tell that her life had even an ounce of sadness. She was truly that happy. 

Now, I can’t remember the last time I saw Asta, but I miss her and there are times I need her. The last time I talked to her we did a quick catch-up, time runs fast when I talk to her. I don’t know when I'm going to see her next, but I hope it’s soon. 

Asta taught me so much about life, how to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and how to be kind even in your darkest moments, but most importantly she taught me how to never let anyone or anything define me. I wish to be half the person she is one day. 

                    

• "Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge," - Edwin Hubble Chapin